blowing through the jasmine in my mind…

What the hell does that mean anyway? There is no jasmine in my mind. I don’t even know what jasmine looks like.

So here it is, June. So far I really suck at blogging this year.

I got off to such a good start, but then just lost interest. Well, ok not really, I’ve had lots to say, and I’ve composed many entries in my head, I just spend so much fucking time on the computer, that when I would sit down to “blog” I would get distracted by a million other things that “had” to be done or I would fall asleep.

I think I’m in a better place than I was at the beginning of the year. I’m still not in a particularly “good” place though. This is definitely a transition year. A “thinky” year. A wistful year. A purge the annoying, wish for more kind of year.

I’m still working too much, making too little. I also realized recently that we don’t have nearly as many weddings booked this summer, which means my race funding is basically nil this year. (wish I had figured that out before I spent all the money I have so far on races this year) Guess it’s time to look for some other supplemental income… *sigh*…  or find a cheaper hobby. Why is one fulltime job not enough??

anyway… it’s summer. I wish that made me happy. It just makes me self conscious and lonely. I spend way too much time figuring out what to wear before I leave the house so as not to bombard the unsuspecting public with my flub. Then I get out there and I am bombarded by everyone else’s flub, which grosses me out and reinforces my own self hatred. Continue reading “summer breeze, makes me feel fine…”