one week…

it’s been one week. In some ways it feels like he’s been gone forever, and yet in ways it feels like it was only moments ago I walked in the door and found him gone. I keep acting like I’m ok for everyone else’s sake, but I’m not. The only thing I want to do when I get home is curl up in the dark … Continue reading one week…

Smile though your heart is breaking…

On Wednesday morning, with my bags packed at the door, I lay on the floor of my bedroom with my companion of 21 yrs and thanked him for being such a good little buddy. I pet him for as long as he would allow, then I kissed him on his furry little brow and told him if he was ready, he could go, and I would understand, and that I loved him.

Shortly after midnight Monday, I walked through my door and into my bedroom,  and as I had sensed would happen, he had passed while I was away

I sobbed for hours last night until I exhausted myself enough to sleep for about 2 and then the minute my eyes opened the tears started again. Continue reading “Smile though your heart is breaking…”

it’s just a matter of time now…

My cat is dying. (yes I know… not very positive, sorry)

But it’s a reality that I face now every morning when I wake up and he’s not on the end of my bed.
Every afternoon when I walk in the door after work and he doesn’t greet me.
Every night when I go to bed and he doesn’t “tuck me in”.
It’s like he’s slowing weaning me off of him, so it won’t be as much of a shock when he finally lets go and leaves me.

He is not in any discernible pain from what I can surmise. He is just very slow, and weakening. He is still managing to drink water and eat a few pieces of kibble, but mostly he just sleeps.

And my heart is breaking into a thousand little pieces every day anticipating the inevitable. It feels like someone has a hold of my heart and is just squeezing it.
I feel like I’m suffocating. Continue reading “it’s just a matter of time now…”