Control Your Thoughts, Control Your Life…

it’s a bad week.

A big, bad “life is spiraling out of control” kind of week.
Which signals trigger warnings for me.
My energy level plummets, my motivation wanes, my sleep patterns gets messed up, and my desire to get out of bed… null and void.
The next thing that happens is I stop eating.
It’s, in my mind, the one thing I can control.
The caveat to that is that I only end up punishing myself.

So this morning, I turned a corner. Continue reading “Control Your Thoughts, Control Your Life…”

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Over the hump…

but not quite across the finish line.

It’s Saturday evening. I’m in a lovely restaurant, enjoying a glass of red wine, and the glow of the fireplace. The smell is to die for. And yet, my desire to actually eat something is not quite there.

I have upped my food intake, but it was uncomfortable. Not because I didn’t want to eat, but because I hadn’t eaten for so long, my system was sort of rejecting the process.

This morning, I had to go to one of my bff’s mother’s funeral. Not exactly how I envisioned my first day off in 2 weeks. Continue reading “Over the hump…”

So here is the thing about eating disorders…

They aren’t always about appearance & vanity. You don’t consciously “choose” to have one. And you never can predict when they will rear their ugly head. Been down to one meal a day for about a week now. *sigh* Not for lack if trying of course. It’s just once you’re in it, it’s hard to get out. It’s all about control right now. Controlling my … Continue reading So here is the thing about eating disorders…

Sometimes you just need to verbalize something…

to have an “a ha” moment. In case you haven’t picked up on it, I am struggling with, well, everything right now. I have been feeling very out of control. Then, without realizing it, I stopped eating. Not completely mind you, but enough to become aware of it. I kept making excuses like I’m too busy, I’m too stressed, I’m at the end I’d my … Continue reading Sometimes you just need to verbalize something…