Wow… so much has been going on since the weather turned, I’ve been just too busy, and brain frazzled to write down any personal thoughts. So here is a little brain purge to catch myself up… (in no particular order) So, on my birthday, back in September, I was supposed to meet up with my Brother and nephew for dessert… Those plans got sidelined as … Continue reading Seasonal Brain Purge…
I go to bed exhausted, I awake exhausted.
I’m barely sleeping, or at least sleeping so light that the slightest motion or noise wakes me.
I want to not feel like puking all the time. I eat as much as I can during the day and before I go home, cause once I’m there I’m too upset to ingest anything.
I want to not have a pounding headache the moment I wake up. (probably a side effect of the not eating/not sleeping/body tension from suppressing sobs)
I can’t really talk about it to anyone as I will A) burst into tears or B) land the ear of someone who doesn’t “get” it and will give me that incredulous eye-rolling look of “it’s just a fucking cat”. My boss being one of them.
He has never had a pet. He has never lost anyone or anything. He doesn’t understand grief. I don’t think he would get that there are physical manifestations of emotions that well up on specific anniversaries, even unconsciously. One day you’re just devastatingly sad for no reason, then you look at the calendar, and are immediately validated for feeling that way.
With each experience, the scab gets picked off, and the “blood” that flows is the memory of all of those previous experiences. Continue reading “so tired.”
This blog was titled “Fast.Food.Focus” to cover the three things I love: Racing, Food, and Photography, yet, lately it’s turned into a durge of morose anecdotes and whining. Even I’m screaming “shut the fuck up bitch! You’re boring me!” So, I’m going to make a concerted effort for the next little while to get back to the basics, and find my positive, motivated voice, and … Continue reading Moratorium on Morbidity…
If I were a man, I’d be wearing inappropriate clothes, bedding inappropriate and age deficient women, and driving around in an inappropriate car. I seriously hate being around myself right now. (Apparently 2011 is the “Year of the perma-funk”) I try to celebrate the small joys and victories, but they are overshadowed and outweighed by the perpetual bullshit. Fuck! I scream “Snap out of it!!” … Continue reading Is this what a Mid-life crisis feels like?
We spend everyday “sweating the small stuff” despite being told not to in several tomes. I have several acquaintances (I hesitate to call them friends) who’s head colds lead them to proclaim they’re “dying” and for whom a hang nail would lay them up for days.
I have no patience for these folks right now.
See I have friends battling real health issues and one who is about to lose his wife within hours after a lengthy, gut wrenching, and very brave battle with cancer.
I’ve hit yet another milestone age I guess. The one in which you lose your peers. Continue reading “Reality Check…”
I’m rather tired thus week. I feel as though I hit the ground running and haven’t stopped since the new year. A Short week, a nasty cold, a monthly reminder of the “joys” of being a woman, and the first session of the year, with only two of us in the office, both having to work all weekend, well understandably I could use a nap … Continue reading Back in the swing of things
So a couple of things first…
1. I thought it would be a good idea to watch the new episode of “How I Met Your Mother” before I shut down for last night and went to bed, I mean nothing like a light-hearted half hour sitcom to make you giggle and quiet your mind right? WRONG!! Heart-breaking episode! Total Oprah “ugly cry” moment! DO NOT WANT!
2. If I see or hear that J-Hud Weight Watchers commercial ONE more time I will punch somebody in the face. Seriously. Continue reading “Thoughts on the go…”