I was actually writing something else, but I need to get this off my chest first.
I spent the waning hours of New Years eve in a highly uncomfortable situation, being ignored by one, and slighted by others (who had clearly been taken a side)
In the light of day, I thought perhaps it was just my imagination, only to discover accidentally that I had been “unfollowed”
All of this over a 2 sentence slightly elevated exchange online, that any normal human would have blown off after a day, chalking it up to the situation, the holidays, stress, any number of things. I wasn’t in the wrong in this case, and would have liked and deserved an apology, but that wasn’t going to happen, so I had taken the high road and put it behind me and moved on. Clearly, they had not. And for the 3rd time in 2013, I was atop the trash heap, discarded for whatever reason, with either no explanation, or no offer of repair or redemption. Just done. Slate wiped clean.
Why doesn’t anybody fight back anymore? Nobody fights back. We live in a disposable society. Friends, marriages, furniture, pieces of equipment, appliances. If it’s broken, just throw it out. (trade it in, dispose of it, delete it, unfollow…) Why not take a moment to rethink, review, repair? Nope. Too much effort. Too messy. And it would require a little introspection. Perhaps to the point that you would have to, *gasp*, admit you were wrong and apologize!! (in all three situations, this was NOT the case, and in all three I took the high road, the blame, and even apologized)
Nope. Nobody fights back. There is a facet of society out there made up of wimpy, thin skinned, myopic thinking, selfish people that think only of themselves, and their feelings, while making everything, good or bad, about them. And if it is deemed that your actions or very existence goes against that, even for just one conversation, then that’s it. You’re on the proverbial trash heap.
I thought it was my imagination, but alas, it’s not. And it’s an epidemic.
And all fucking year, I blamed myself each time it happened. Going back over conversations, wondering what “I” did wrong. Second guessing myself.
Well, new year, new leaf, new attitude.
If there is one thing you need to know and completely understand as an active participant in my life. I am who I am. I don’t hide behind a brand, or a cause, or an animal, or a cartoon moniker, or an “egg”. Good, bad, ugly, indifferent. I am nothing if not authentically Meesh.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I live in the moment. I react in the moment. If I’m happy, you know it. If I’m mad/sad, you know it. Simple. Honest. If you push, I push back. I don’t mince words. I don’t bullshit. And from now on, I WON’T apologize for calling you out on your bullshit. I won’t apologize for your thin skin. And I won’t apologize for your social awkwardness.
I’m not going to put up with passive aggressive behavior either. I’m not going to be made to feel uncomfortable in a room, or a group, or situation because you are there and have decided that you are no longer going to show me the basic human courtesy of making eye contact, or saying hello/goodbye. Fuck that. I’m tired of dimming MY light, because you’re sensitive. And I’m tired of backing down so as not to rock the “social” boat.
And guess what, you walk away? I’m not gonna chase you, or beg you to reconsider.
Nope. This year there is no revolving door into/out off “Meeshville”.
You walk out the door of my life in 2014, it’s a one way exit now.
The door locks behind you. Want back in? Suck it up buttercup. Pull up your big girl/boy panties and ring the doorbell. But be prepared, if and when I answer, to admit you were wrong, or defend your position, and FIGHT for the privilege of being in my life.
I’ve spent too many years worrying about and taking care of everyone else, with little to no reciprocation, and now that I’m at rock fucking bottom (the other post I’m writing) I just don’t have time or energy for anyone else’s neurosis.