and then one day she said.. enough.
You know that scene in “Love actually” when after being completely consumed with desire for his best friend’s wife, the character of ?? finally reveals his love for her. She in turn kisses him in a pure, platonic, “if I weren’t married” way.
Finally validated and released from the clutches of his obsession, he turns towards the camera and says “enough now”
Well my story is not one of romantic unrequited love (though I have plenty of those in the vault. It is more an unrequited dedication… respect perhaps? After years of being “all in” for someone, putting their needs both personal and professional, before my own, I finally released myself. I said enough. And my reward has been instant.
I have found my footing again. My passion for living, not merely existing. There is now a blazing light at the end of the tunnel.
I was reading something last night, one of those “get to know you” quiz thingies that gets passed around on Tumblr, and one of the questions was: when was the last time you cried. Instinctively I tossed my head back with a knowing nod and thought “what time is it?” But then I paused and really thought about it. I don’t remember.
What a joyous realisation!
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been choked up/teary eyed every day because I read some touching story or watched one of those link bait videos who’s sole purpose is to make you cry, but my almost daily, all encompassing, my soul is sad crying jag has all but ceased since I freed myself.
It’s funny. Whenever I’m asked for a favourite quote, I blurt out “leap and the net will appear” Roosevelt
This is hysterical for two reasons:
One, I’m a Virgo. We are not “leapers”. We are calculated way all the odds, possible outcomes, test and measure, put on the parachute first, jumpers.
Two, I can really count on one hand, possibly half a hand, the times I have actually been brave enough to test that theory. (it seems the older I get, the more “fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen” my attitude becomes)
But one day, in August, after weeks of rejection on the job hunting front, and months, nay years of gut checks, and integrity checks, and “do I really want to be associated with this person” I pulled the chute.
Have at it universe.