it’s a bad week.
A big, bad “life is spiraling out of control” kind of week.
Which signals trigger warnings for me.
My energy level plummets, my motivation wanes, my sleep patterns gets messed up, and my desire to get out of bed… null and void.
The next thing that happens is I stop eating.
It’s, in my mind, the one thing I can control.
The caveat to that is that I only end up punishing myself.
So this morning, I turned a corner.
I got up (Late, but I got up dammit)(and I had checked emails, etc… while lying in the dark)
I got dressed right away.
I decided instead to distract myself with some chores.
It’s a good way to work out some frustrations, plus you have the added bonus of not living in a chaotic setting which only adds to the stress.
It’s also a good time to have conversations with yourself.
I spent about an hour talking myself into and out of eating.
It was too late for breakfast, but I didn’t feel like “lunch”
If I ate something small to tide me over, I would have to have 2 more meals, and that just wasn’t sitting well.
If I ate too big a meal now, what do I do for dinner.
(yes, welcome to the eating disordered mind)
Then I reminded myself that MY not eating doesn’t hurt anyone but ME.
It has zero effect on the people who are causing my stress.
Eating isn’t and shouldn’t be a punishment or a reward. It’s fuel.
And fueling my body allows me to run.
Running makes me feel strong and happy.
And I plan on going for a run this afternoon.
So, I ate.
This was my “I choose to control my life in a positive way” breaklunch
#accountability #IControlME #smallvictory