Thankful…

Sometimes, some days, the hardest sentiment to muster up is “thankful”

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot if things to be thankful for, and everyday I quietly express gratitude for a moment, or a thing, or a person in my life that day.

But some days it is a forced expression, particularly on the day/weekend you are expected to express it.

You see for all the things I am thankful/grateful for, there are a half dozen things I am ungraciously, very selfishly unthankful for.

I’m aware of what an ass that makes me, and I’m not proud of it, but in the same way a bout of unhappiness helps you to know and appreciate the headiness of great joy, I think stewing in the juices of selfish want or “woe is me” teaches you to be grateful/thankful for what you do have.

It’s learning to move past the negative and acknowledge the positive that is the trick.

So this year I’m grateful to still be self sufficient despite some hardships.

After being betrayed, disappointed, and abandoned by a few, I’m grateful for the amazing, inspirational, strong, beautiful men and women who have come into my life this year, have chosen to stay, and continue to inspire me in ways large and small.

I’m grateful that I’ve been able to unlock the gate to the tall, sturdy, reinforced fence around my heart to welcome the possibility of love in my life again.

I’m grateful for the fur baby who will become part of my life this month (who I’m going to hang out with this afternoon) I think having another living, breathing presence in my home will be a welcome change. It will be nice to have another purpose and someone happy to see me when I walk through the door.

I’m thankful for the self awareness I possess. And for the knowledge that when I feel that my life is spiralling out of control, the truth is I am always in control of my own thoughts, actions, and choices. The onus is on me to make the right ones.

I’m thankful for sunny days, and hot coffee, and cool nights, and cozy blankets, and interesting conversations, and non-traditional celebrations.

I’m thankful I’m able to see beauty and humour on a daily basis. I can’t imagine a day without a belly laugh or a teary eyed smile.

I’m thankful for my bright eyes, my strong legs, my long hair, my hearty laugh, my sarcastic wit, and my always genuine, too-toothy smile.

I’m thankful for my sense of empathy, my self deprecating sense of humour, and even for the days my stomach churns with anger and jealousy, as I know it means that there is some fight left in me and I still believe I deserve better for myself in this life. And I am truly thankful for deep down, aesthetics aside, really liking who I am and the woman I continue to evolve into, flaws and all, everyone else be damned. 😉

Happy Thanksgiving cyber strangers and friends!

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