wow… was my last entry really March 17th? Apparently I am on a “post on alcoholic holidays” schedule! *holds up margartita and wishes you a Happy Cinco De Mayo*
Yes, I’m in my favourite corner, at my favorite restaurant, and inspired to do some writing…
March: Kicked off the Indycar Season in St. Petes with the gang. Was able to be there for Hinch’s first win (epic). Was also my first race as official IndyCar hardcarded Media. I wish it didn’t make a difference, but it did. It’s a validation thing. Of course I haven’t been to a race since, but that all picks up again in a couple of weeks! woot! It’s funny, I was so full of excitement and pride for our side of the website and our team of writers, and then one of our photogs and one of the dutch editors stuck a giant fucking pin in our happy balloon. It kinda took the wind out of my sails and made me want to just say fuck it, but fuck them. I’m gonna keep doing what I do, and managing my team as I see fit. And until I see a paycheque in my mailbox for the 6 years of FREElance work I’ve been doing for them, that is the way it will continue to be.
April: Went on tour with “Elvis” to Vancouver.
OMG… I so love Vancouver. I didn’t realize it when I was booked for the gig, but I haven’t been back to Van for 17yrs. It is so incredibly beautiful. Got to meet some friends out there, get my show biz diva on, and do a little exploring all in 9 compact little days. I realized that I have become a “traveler”. Or perhaps I always was. I am a well oiled machine when I travel. I have my way of doing things. I do a lot of research in advance. I make the most of the opportunity!
I also found out that my bandmates are not travelers. They were content to drink until the wee hours, then waste the day sleeping in the Super 8, while the glory of the mountains was at our finger tips. I however discovered that I could still be social at night with one adult beverage, then get up, steal the tour van, grab a starbucks (yes I researched all the locations in proximity to our hotels before I left Toronto) and head to find my bliss before anyone was even out of bed. (not that I didn’t offer to alter my schedule to include people… they just weren’t interested)
I climbed mountains, ventured into the dense, lush forests, stood at the base of a waterfall, and found a bench on a sandbar overlooking a vast lake surrounded by mountains. I found a couple of benches in oddly “zen” places. I breathed deep. I cried. It was all very cathartic. I love that I am content to do these things solo, but I do love to share these experiences too. Maybe if we do the tour next year, people will be more willing to come out with me in the morning. Or maybe they will just live vicariously through my pictures again. To each their own I guess. I just know that that made me realize that I don’t want to live through other peoples photos.
There were some stupid moments on the tour as well. It’s amazing how immature people (men) can be when their authority (masculinity) is challenged. There may have been a time in my life when I would have put up with shit like that, or even kowtowed to it, but mama is too old for that crap now. I don’t suffer fools gladly. This lead to a hilarious blow up both on the tour and at the next gig post tour between the band “leader” (term used loosely) and we gals. (note to men: don’t mess with strong like-minded females. We will stick together, and we will win)
Anyway, it got ugly, and the bandleader threatened to fire my fellow singer, at which point I said I would walk too, as we’ve been friends/colleagues for 30 years, and she got me the gig. blah blah blah… we’ve all moved forward, gigs are booked through to the new year. No one wants the drama, everyone (me included) wants the extra cash… so for now, we’re all good.
April/May: First gigs of the wedding season under our belt. I so love this job. (yes, I know I wear many hats, but it keeps me sane and happy!) What I loved about the first wedding of the season is that in the middle of the day, while I was helping to set up the shot for my boss, one of the bridesmaids grabbed my arm and said: “you’re so fucking good at your job!”
It’s funny because it is so hard to describe what it is that I actually do in this job. I’m the “girl friday” the gopher, the pack mule, the fixer of things broken, the bouncer, the logistics manager, the dress fluffer, the calmer-downer, the one step ahead of anything that could possible go wrong preventer. I think I do an amazing job at it too. I’m proud of it. And I truly love it. It is such a privilege to be part of someones wedding day. To be there from the wee hours of the morning to the wee hours of the morning. I smile for the entire 17 hrs of the booking. I tear up with the bff’s, and the bride, and the groom, and the parents. I laugh at the inside jokes I have been privy to throughout the day. I fix hair, and blot tears, and hold hands, and take deep breathes with nervous soon to be spouses.
So to have someone acknowledge the job I do is just the cherry on top. It’s validation. (Ya, that is a big recurring theme with me)
Which brings me to the “day job”… ya, that one…
Yes, I’m still there. I keep trying ways to reinvent it so it’s more fulfilling, but each time I do, they reinvent the business so it’s more soul-destroying. Problem is trying to find a replacement job that still gives me the freedom to do all the other jobs that give me such fulfillment. So, I suck up my integrity, do what is asked of me, and mostly what is not asked of me, but what is required to keep the business afloat, and collect my pay at the end of the month.
Yes, I know, this has to be rectified, but right now I just want to enjoy my summer, enjoy all of the races and Elvis gigs on the horizon, and deal with that later.
So, that is me caught up. There is probably more, but for now I am two margaritas into my night and think perhaps I should shut the lid and get some food in my belly 😉