I tried twice to leave for work this morning. Both times I stopped frozen, pain in my stomach, brain swirling. My body was telling me I needed to take a day. So I did.
Er… I am.
So I plan on breathing, walking, napping, breathing, “quieting”, thinking, breathing…
I’ve gone from doubled over in discomfort and headachey to relaxed and calm.
Sure I could have convinced myself to wait until tomorrow and take a long weekend, but I needed TODAY off.
I think I need to rethink my schedule going forward. Maybe build in a “cafe Morning” once a week, where I just take my time, go have a coffee, journal, read a magazine, do whatever. Mental health day. I used to have those. It makes a huge difference.
Work is stressing me out. HUGE. I just don’t understand what is happening, or the direction we are going. It changes weekly. It has me completely unnerved cause I don’t know where I fit in. I feel like I’m going to be stuck doing stuff I really don’t want to be doing. Most of the “joy” has been sucked out of the job already, so the prospect of more joy dissipating is, well, leading to stomach pains apparently.
I am really starting to consider tossing my resume out there again, not just for a second “winter” money stockpiling job, but for a fulltime job. An opportunity landed in my inbox last week, which I briefly looked at, but I should really apply for. Just in case.
ugh, and just like that… stomach pain…
gonna stop thinking/talking about work now…
going back to my coffee and mindless browsing while bopping my head to the music.
(the cafe is playing the Jackson 5 Greatest Hits <3)