So, while I haven’t had a day “off” in a while, I did take 4 glorious days away from the office to lose myself in the world of auto racing. It’s my other “job” which isn’t really a “job” but I treat it like a job, and wish it was my job, but it will likely never be my actual job. But it makes me so happy. So very, very happy. Unspeakably happy. Can’t wipe the silly grin off my face happy. Wake up before my alarm at 5:30am happy. Work until midnight without a second thought happy.
As I may have ranted a few posts ago, things haven’t been going as well as I would have liked them to be going of late. Work was stressing me out to a whole new level. I was starting and ending every day angry. I hate that feeling. I was debating looking for another job. I don’t want to look for another job. I want this one to be fulfilling enough to enjoy going to everyday. I’m too old to start “fresh”. If my job is going to be this stressful and shitty, I would rather work in a grocery store. I’d make the same money, only I’d have benefits and probably less of a commute, and no overtime.
Anyway… enough about that…
My weekend was good. And bad. And eye-opening. And soul crushing. And motivating.
It started on Wednesday, with a late afternoon interview with Oriol Servia and dinner with my race weekend roomie Carol who flew in from Britain.
Thursday. I got to wander around the track before it was officially open to the public, visit with a few people, get acclimatized to the track layout, and managed to sneak in a pace car ride courtesy of Stefan Wilson.
Later that night I was invited to be a part of an intimate dinner of my peers. I sat at a table with the who’s who of Canadian journalists, the top execs of Honda Canada and Paul & Patty Tracy. 16 people were at this dinner, and I was one of them. I was honoured and gobsmacked at the same time. I held my own in a heated debated, and enjoyed a little girl chat with Patty who I never get to just sit and talk to as I’m always running off to hop over the pit wall and photograph her husband. *awkward*
Friday was the first track day. Sun up to sun down in “race mode” I snagged one of the 6 over the wall passes available to non-series photographers (yes that is a BIG deal) and made good use of it. I also snagged a handful of great interviews, which will be going up on a soon to be named and launched website. (more on that later) The internet connection failed miserably on Friday Afternoon into the evening, so all my hard work would have to wait.
Friday evening was a rambunctious “YaYa” dinner with Sonja, Renee, Carol and myself at Real Sports Bar. Not really conducive to conversation, but good for a few laughs.
Saturday am, hit the ground running. Not much time to do anything other than run from session to session, to interview to interview.
Saturday PM… this is when the down turn happened. I ended up, through my own stupidity, the 3rd wheel on my own fantasy date. Yes, that’s right. I thought there was going to be a group of us, so I, as the Seinfeld coined phrase goes, “power invited” another gal who was sitting beside me at the time as the party to whom I have been crushing on for years were discussing plans. It was later revealed to be just the three of us going out for dinner. Which would have been fine except for the fact that I was made to feel stupid, uneducated, unworthy and left out during the course of the evening. I should have stuck to my original dinner plans with the YaYa’s and Stefan. Live and learn I guess.
Sunday morning: RaceDay, my ego still bruised and battered from the high school loser moment the night before, I was further assaulted by a colleague and accused of “standing around, making friends, shaking hands and watching cars” rather than “working” at the race. Now, first of all, the day he hands me ONE FUCKING DIME for all the work I put into his website, then THAT’S the day he can take issue with what I do at the track. What I do is make a ton of inroads so that the rest of the team can attend races and be looked after like royalty at the track.
so after I calmed down. (I was literally packing up my stuff and ready to head home) I decided that maybe it’s time for me to branch out on my own. I’m the one with the relationships there. I’m the one that does all the leg work. Why shouldn’t I be the actual face of the site. Of my own site. That I can set up as I see fit and work into something more fulfilling?
So that’s what I am going to do. (more on that later)
Anyway… I also came back to work a much calmer person. I felt the stress rising up on the first day, but nipped that in the bud right away. I need to remember that this is just a job. Not my life, not my career, not my problem between 5pm and 9am, or on weekends.