Is this what a Mid-life crisis feels like?

If I were a man, I’d be wearing inappropriate clothes, bedding inappropriate and age deficient women, and driving around in an inappropriate car.

I seriously hate being around myself right now. (Apparently 2011 is the “Year of the perma-funk”)

I try to celebrate the small joys and victories, but they are overshadowed and outweighed by the perpetual bullshit.

Fuck!
I scream “Snap out of it!!” to myself 24/7.
I either spin off in a rage (you should see me power walk while lambasting the universe with an inner dialogue rant that would make a sailor blush) or I curl up in a ball of de-motivation and distract myself by doing a whole heap of nothing.

I’m tired of being poor. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m sad that those last two are things that I allow other people to “put” on me, and that I validate their perception by giving into their vitriol.

I just want to find a way to live my life without sacrificing my actual life to make it happen.

that made sense in my head.

ok… time for a glass of wine and Grey’s Anatomy.

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