If I were a man, I’d be wearing inappropriate clothes, bedding inappropriate and age deficient women, and driving around in an inappropriate car.
I seriously hate being around myself right now. (Apparently 2011 is the “Year of the perma-funk”)
I try to celebrate the small joys and victories, but they are overshadowed and outweighed by the perpetual bullshit.
I scream “Snap out of it!!” to myself 24/7.
I either spin off in a rage (you should see me power walk while lambasting the universe with an inner dialogue rant that would make a sailor blush) or I curl up in a ball of de-motivation and distract myself by doing a whole heap of nothing.
I’m tired of being poor. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m sad that those last two are things that I allow other people to “put” on me, and that I validate their perception by giving into their vitriol.
I just want to find a way to live my life without sacrificing my actual life to make it happen.
that made sense in my head.
ok… time for a glass of wine and Grey’s Anatomy.