brain stew…

Unlike a brain purge, which is where I just dump out whatever is making me a little crazy on any particular day in a stream of conscience manner, brain stew is a little more… mulled about.

I have a few things “stewing” for potential blog matter, but I want them to simmer a little before serving.
Damn… this is going to have to be categorized under “Food.” now. Ba-dump-bump…

In the meantime, I can honestly say I’m feeling better today. Physically, emotionally, etc.. etc… End of week one back in the office hot seat, and remarkably not as stressful as I anticipated. Of course it’s only the first week. And a short week. And I can already see that hours/days/weeks/months will slip by in the blink of an eye this year just based on the ration of work to do vs time needed to complete it.

I’ve had a few eye-rolling moments. Discovering work that wasn’t completed. Tasks that weren’t even attempted. Misinformation conveyed. And on and on…
Now I’m not perfect by any means, but dammit, if ya say you’re gonna do something, and were being PAID to do something… DO IT!              … *and exhale*

I caught myself a few times about to go nuclear, then took a deep breath and just “let it go”. I mean, what will getting angry at someone who no longer works there accomplish?
Does it change anything? no.
Does the task magically get done? no.
Will it just make my day worse and getting the actual job done harder? yes.

This year is about calm, and not sweating the small stuff, and balance and breathing. De-cuttering the mind of anger and regrets and shit that has already happened (or not happened) that I have no control over, but that would have control over me if I let it.

Plus, with just the two of us in the office right now, and things still not optimal with our site yet, the last thing the boss needs is me having a meltdown on my side of the office.

I have a visualization for when I feel myself spinning out. I think of the two of us sitting on a seesaw. On any given day one of us will have the weight of the business on our shoulders, leaving the other one dangling precariously in the air. The goal is to distribute the tasks evenly so that we’re on an even keel, no pressure weighing either one of us down unfairly, and no fear of making the other fall off. Balance.

The key is going to be to keep each other on track, follow up on things all the time so that things don’t slip through the cracks, while allowing for short outbursts of frustration, and also being able to find the levity and distractions throughout the day to keep our wits about us.

hmm… apparently this was a purge after all…


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